love is blind? or is it us who get blinded by it?
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
love is blind? or is it us who get blinded by it?
Friday, May 16, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Fights are not necessary in a marriage. Couples need to have discussions, they need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree, but they don't need to squabble, argue, bicker, or fight. Fights are dramatic, which is not helpful to a discussion. If you have enough energy to create drama, you have more than enough to tone it down into a discussion. However, because social expectations and mythology are so strong, many of my clients want guidelines for "fighting fair."Fair Fight Guidelines
the point of the fight is to reach a solution, not to win, be right, or make
your partner wrong.
- Don't try to mind read. Ask instead what he or she is thinking.
- Don't bring up all the prior problems that relate to this
one. Leave the past in the past; keep this about one recent problem. Solve one thing at a time.
- Keep the process simple. State the problem, suggest some alternatives, and choose a solution together.
- Don't talk too much at once. Keep your statements to two or three sentences. Your partner will
not be able to grasp more than that.
- Give your partner a chance to respond and to suggest options.
- Practice equality. If something is important enough to one of you, it will inevitably be important to both of you, so honor your partner's need to solve a problem.
- Ask and Answer questions directly. Again, keep it as simple as possible. Let your partner know you hear him or her.
- State your problem as a request, not a demand. To make it a positive request, use "I messages" and "please".
- Don't use power struggle tactics: guilt and obligation,threats and emotional blackmail, courtroom logic: peacekeeping, sacrificing, or hammering away are off limits.
- Know your facts: If you're going to fight for something, know the facts about the problem: Do research, find out what options are available, and know how you feel and what would solve the problem for you.
- Ask for changes in behavior, don't criticize character,
ethics or morals.
- Don't fight over who's right or wrong. Opinions are opinions, and that won't solve the problem. Instead, focus on what will work.
- Ask your partner if he or she has anything to add to the
discussion. "Is there anything else we need to discuss now?"
- Don't guess what your partner is thinking or feeling. Instead, ask. "What do you think?" Or "How do you feel about it?"
- Hold hands, look at each other, and remember you're partners.
- If you're angry, express it calmly. "I'm angry about ..."
There's no need for drama, and it won't get you what you want. Anger is satisfied by being acknowledged, and by creating change. Anger is a normal emotion -- rage is phony, it's drama created by not taking care of yourself.
- Acknowledged and honor your partner's feelings -- don't
deflect them, laugh at them or freak out. They're only feelings, and they subside when respected, heard and honored.
- Listen with your whole self. Paraphrase what your partner says; check to see if you understand by repeating what is said. "So you are angry because you think I ignored you. Is that right?"
- No personal attacks or criticism. Focus on solving the
problem. If you want to let off steam (vent), ask permission or take a time out. Handle your excess emotion or energy by being active (run, walk, hit a
pillow,) writing, or talking to someone who is not part of the problem. Don't direct it personally at anyone. You can't vent and solve problems at the same time.
- Don't try to solve a problem if you're impaired: tired, hungry, drunk or unstable.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Long Beach, California, since 1978 and author of 11 books in 14 languages, including "It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction," "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free" and "The Unofficial Guide to Dating
Again." She publishes the "Happiness Tips from Tina".
Cass: Guys, i got this article from Yahoo!, and i found that this article is very2 useful in order to sustain the relationship between u n ur loved ones..Because sometimes, argumentations are unavoidable especially when you'r in a negative state, but still..to argue in a fair situation is the best thing that u can do to solve the matter..Solve it..not winning it for yourself...
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Anyways, we ended up gambling our leaves by going to Puduraya, while trying to confirm about our place to stay with froggy’s fren’s mom. After about 30 minutes of trying to get her, we managed to get a place to stay in….erk, I forgot the name of the resort! But it’s located somewhere near Pantai Klebang. Well, that was not the 1st time I went to Malacca because I’ve actually gone there once with my family and had a night stay there; before shooting to Tangkak the day after and the time when I went there with Ted n Isis and we only walked around The A Farmosa and Dataran Pahlawan Mall, but it was surely the 1st time ever I had a round of a trip throughout Malacca and to its popular places like the Jonker Street n others. Froggy and I, we were like so amazed with the stuffs that they got there in-Relics, antiquities and arts!
Seriously, I have to say that I really had a great time there with Froggy; because it’s not like everyday ur gonna have the time of your own. Not that having our frens around isn’t exciting though.
Dutch's church.teringin nk masuk dlm tp froggy ckp xyah. (Yelah, masjid seminggu skali pon ko susah nak masuk, gereja ko gigih nak masuk kannn???)
pose seorang jejaka, hiks
Uii, kalu kena tembak, bersepai kepala tuh!
Guess what? At last, Froggy and I had our anniversary dinner at Yi Qi. Thank goodness that Froggy really liked the place and food (And Yes, no pork or lard are served there..so jgn dok speku i makan babah haj okay!). And if could see in the picture, u can see that cute Panda on our complimentary dessert. Froggy said it reminded him of me, bley? *Nampak sgt mata aku ni bengkak banget skang, LOL!
Little Panda on the top~
Chef of the nite. siap tumpahkan ajinomoto dlm periuk lagi. Nasib baik die ganti soup baru..LOL
Alahai..cutenye...................kete dekat luar tuh!
tak paham nape nyonya2 kat luar tuh dok jengok2 x abis..LOL!
After that, we headed for Pavillion and met Bro Art and his new baby Ordie and watched Spiderwick Chronicles. Well, i have to say that the animation was amazing but i dont quite like the ending; but at least it was still unexpected, unlike malay movies..LOL